she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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