So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
