I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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