he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
