new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
