I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
