apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize