Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
