Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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