Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
