; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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