I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
