Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
