well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
