I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
