There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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