So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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