I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
