I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you are never too drunk for berry picking
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
