One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's never too late to be topless.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
