Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
