while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
