great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
