is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
