Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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