As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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