The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
