when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
