my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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