Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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