Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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