chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
