if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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