my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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