Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
