ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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