he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
