He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
