worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wish my penis had a tongue
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
