You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
