I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
