At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
