well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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