We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
