No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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