he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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