Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
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There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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