i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
