shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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