I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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