Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Let's paint friendship bongs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
