jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish there were birth control emojis
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bring me that man meat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
