11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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