So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
