this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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