saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize