Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
