Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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