I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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