you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
