I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
