am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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