Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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