did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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