Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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