I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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