Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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