I think scott just propositioned me for sex
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.