Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
