yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Four minutes until I can fart!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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