i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Who died my cat blue again?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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