Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
