i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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