The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I supernannyed him into submission
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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