Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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