i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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