I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
